Rootclip

>_<

First thing: JUMP CUTS. Watch the jump cuts. Do you shots more than once, and from many different angles. Try to avoid at all costs having a cut in the middle of a shot.

Second: Cut your dialogue down to just whats necessary to get your idea/story across. Also, avoid improvising too much. A little improvisation from your talent to make the dialogue feel more natural is okay, but when they are just saying whatever because they can't remember their real lines, its a problem. Multiple angles helps take care of this problem.

Third: We want to see your actors! It seemed like their backs were almost always to the camera. For the most part, try and keep the camera facing what we should be focused on. If we're supposed to be listening to the wall, point it at the wall. If we're supposed to look at the person talking, point it at the person talking!

Fourth: Close ups are your friends! Don't be afraid to get the camera a little closer to your talent. It looks very amateur when every shot is a wide shot.

Fifth: More cutaways. If a character holds up something of importance or makes some sort of action toward something small and/or hard to see, do a cutaway shot of it. We want to see what it is they are talking about. It looks like you attempted to do so with the zoom in on the bottle, but a simple cut would have been much easier to see, and would have looked much better.

Last: Try and work on your audio. Its very hard to hear your actors talking, and my guess is your using an on-board mic. If you don't have or can't afford an external mic, work on getting the camera closer to your talent. This would make for more tighter shots as well as better sound. Killin' two birds with one stone =)

Keep working at it. The more stuff you make, the better you get. Like anything else, it takes lots and lots of practice.