Rootclip

Hi again everyone! This week, I'd like to use my (limited) independent set experience to talk about an ancient filmmaking trick I like to call "ninja setiquette."

For those who "aren't in the know," setiquette is the beautiful art of not being a filmmaking jackass while on-set shooting a movie. It's not just for your benefit, but for everyone's benefit that you work with, and even for the movie's benefit. Setiquette takes dedication and practice and vigilance. Like being a ninja. Those who master it can become invisible filmmakers. Warriors who leave no trace but a cleverly-designed story, and well-composed mise-en-scene.

Learn these rules and treasure them always, for if you master every one, you are destined to be the next Martin Scorsese, and a true ninja of celluloid:

#1) Do multiple takes. Seriously, don't whine. Ninjas never whine. Just clam up and do them. A shot mis-performed or badly acted or full of crew who don't shut up will never impress. And the ultimate mission of every camera-toting ninja is to impress.

#2) No, you can't fix it in post. Well, sometimes you can, but never assume! Asses like you and me assume! It's usually much easier to fix the problem on set than to rely on your limited skills in the editing room. There is no secret post-production ninja power for making a bad shot not suck.

#3) Ninjas always carry spare tapes and batteries with them, to hurl at their enemies and also to prevent unnecessary trips back to the car/house in the middle of a scene.

#4) Gaff tape. Get it, love it, use it. Eat it between scenes. Wear it on your body. Phase out clothing. Put it on your- ...oh, wrong website...

#5) Cops are fearful creatures. They're more scared of you than you are of them. The filmmaking ninja encounters these being frequently but must not be alarmed when approached. Under no circumstances -- even banishment from private property -- should you become snippy; ninjas are not snippy. As a wise man once said, better to spend the night filming at a bad location than sitting in jail. Besides, you can fix it in post.

#6) Never whine about how long it's taking. That's precisely the trigger any filmmaking ninja needs activated to snap and kill you.

#7) Don't waste time fighting about what angle a shot looks best from. Do it both ways and let everyone win (especially the editor). The only time this rule doesn't apply is when shooting with film or other non-expendable resources (like dynamite). Then, just do what the director says, and blame him later if it was a terrible decision. Ninjas aren't above I-told-you-so and Quality-of-work Snitching.

#8) Ninjas subscribe to the KISS formula. Why shoot three lines from every possible angle, then start back at angle one and do the next three lines? Save the time and shoot the entire scene from an angle before moving the camera, and relish in the coverage you'll have! Ninjas adore coverage. Like bamboo blow dart tubes.

#9) Inserts are the filmmaker's ninja star. Before you tell your actors to go, glance around the set and grab a couple quick shots of absolutely nothing important. A hand on a cup. A foot tapping the floor. Some flowers sitting nearby. Ninjas often come up with editing snags that are easily solved with the use of the deadly insert.

#10) Actors who are self-conscious fail. It's not hard to tell when an actor is thinking more about how stupid they feel than the events happening around them in the story. If an actor is really sinking the ship, pull some stealth ninja moves and concentrate the camera on POVs, response shots, and inserts.

There are many more rules to Setiquette, but for now, we'll just practice these ones. Now get out there and unleash your TRUE FILMMAKING NINJA. MAKE ME PROUD, GRASSHOPPERS!